I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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