who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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