i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
