I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just had sex bonerless
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
