I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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