I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
