The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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