I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
