My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
