PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
