um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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