All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
