So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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