brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
