The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
