We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
