Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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