Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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