He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
