I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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