you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
