pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
