I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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