I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
