its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
