the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
