the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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