I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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