hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
