my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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