Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
