1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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