I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
