I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
