I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
