Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
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