Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
