I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
