He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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