I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
