I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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