We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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