she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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