the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
