White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
