does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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