Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
