fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
