Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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