omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
