I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
