What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize