my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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