I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
