Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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