Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
