I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize