just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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