Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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