my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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