WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
