I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
What changed your mind?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?