last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
