I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
