Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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