just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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