so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
