Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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