I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
