So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
