watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
