no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
